Warning: This Post Contains First-World Problems (by Bethany)

This is what the inside of my brain has looked like all week (except with less organization and more rhapsodies about chocolate croissants):

PROS of going back to work full time as a teacher and school administrator:	CONS of going back to work full time as a teacher and school administrator:
That bill for back taxes (oops!) that arrived yesterday	Probability of failure approximately 98.7%
Excuse to buy every item in J.Jill’s ‘Wherever’ collection	Would have to stop saying ‘fuck’ on the internet
Endless potential excuses to violate book-buying ban	Teaching at odds with life goal of ever reading a book again
Teaching is excellent distraction from violence in Middle East	Aggravating adolescent tendency to refer to Thoreau as “Henry Walden”
Let’s face it: I don’t really get along with adults	Two words: iPad initiative
Last time I quit a job, I wrote nonstop for about two weeks afterwards. And I can’t quit a job unless I have one, can I?	Would deprive the reading public of my sleazy witch novel for months or years
Three words: Faculty Sumo Wrestling	Would have to wear bra all day long
Students are easy to bribe with doughnuts. So far my fiction projects have not responded to this sort of incentive program.	Chance that elderly father will have catastrophic medical issue the week before grades are due: 87.6%

P.S. I declined the job offer this morning. And now here I am, in a café, writing.